If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder you will probably understand what I am about to share. If you know someone with an eating disorder I hope I can help you better understanding the battle that goes on in the mind of someone struggling.
I have struggled with an eating disorder as far back as I can remember since the age eighteen years old. I know I had some issues with food as a little girl as well. I can remember at the age eight having feelings that no matter what I ate it was never enough. Looking back now I had some deep rooted feelings I was trying to pacify with food.
But when you are struggling with food issues or an eating disorder it is very hard for the person to understand why they can’t just ‘stop the behavior.’ This was the mental battle I found myself in many times.
I remember when I was eighteen years old I gave birth to my second child and all I could think about were the friends my age who were wearing bathing suits and cute clothes and I was willing to do whatever it would take to lose the weight and be like them. Not to mention the father of my children was always unfaithful and this just reinforced my fear to be skinner in hopes he would never cheat again. Just so you know you can’t change someone else by being a better version of you. But all my fears led me to my first diet.
This started a cycle of me constantly being on a diet for the next twenty years of my life. But you see anytime I fell off the diet it was a reassurance of the thoughts, you aren’t good enough. I would hear things like, you see you are a failure, you will always be fat, you are not doing it right, don’t go to the party there will be too much food, stay home from going out with your friends so you don’t have to be around food. I can go on and on with the thoughts running through my head, but what I want to share is eating disorders are a trap and I believe they are a trap from the enemy that come to kill us, and steal from us and keep us isolated.
I always wondered why couldn’t I stop when I wanted too? I mean I desperately wanted to be free from all these behaviors. And I confess I tried everything to get free… from following a stricter plan, going to 12 step food recovery meetings and get prayed over. I READ some many books learning how others got free and it gave me insight but never freed me.
Why God? Why? Is what I asked all the time…
But it took me a while to come to the end of myself.
Today I believe eating disorders are rooted in fear and lies. Which are the opposite of God’s character. He does not lie to us about who’s we are and who we are and FEAR is not from him.
We are created perfect in his eyes and we are fearfully and wonderfully made.
So if you are struggling with an E.D. please slow down and ask Jesus to expose the hidden areas in your heart.
Here are some questions to ask yourself. What am I afraid of? What lies am I believing about myself that is keeping bound to a diet because I feel I am not good enough?
You see when you binge or don’t eat enough it’s because you believe you are not good enough or there is something wrong with you, or if you don’t change you may feel you are not lovable. WHICH THIS IS FAR FROM THE TRUTH!
Or maybe you are struggling with overeating trying to stuff some emotions you don’t want to feel.
In order for me to go more in detail about this topic I would have to write a very long blog. But I am hoping with what I shared with you that it was an insight to the battle you may be in. I know for a long time I searched for help and I learned that I had to surrender to Jesus and let him expose the lies and pain in my heart.
I would love to hear from you and I would love to speak into this area of your life.
I was in bondage and torment for many many years but when I surrendered all my ways and trusted Jesus in this area of my life things finally changed. Remember it is a process and a man made plan will never set you free but keep you into more bondage of rules.
When people are struggling with an eating disorder and addiction you are not going to be able to help them until they admit they have a problem and they are willing to go to any measure to get help.
Spending time with Jesus heals us, changes us, helps us and guides us in the next steps we should take in life.