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Paula

Eating Disorders Are Exhausting

Eating Disorders Are Exhausting 800 800 Paula

If you have ever struggled with an eating disorder you will probably understand what I am about to share. If you know someone with an eating disorder I hope I can help you better understanding the battle that goes on in the mind of someone struggling.

I have struggled with an eating disorder as far back as I can remember since the age eighteen years old. I know I had some issues with food as a little girl as well. I can remember at the age eight having feelings that no matter what I ate it was never enough. Looking back now I had some deep rooted feelings I was trying to pacify with food. 

But when you are struggling with food issues or an eating disorder it is very hard for the person to understand why they can’t just ‘stop the behavior.’ This was the mental battle I found myself in many times.

I remember when I was eighteen years old I gave birth to my second child and all I could think about were the friends my age who were wearing bathing suits and cute clothes and I was willing to do whatever it would take to lose the weight and be like them. Not to mention the father of my children was always unfaithful and this just reinforced my fear to be skinner in hopes he would never cheat again. Just so you know you can’t change someone else by being a better version of you. But all my fears led me to my first diet.

This started a cycle of me constantly being on a diet for the next twenty years of my life. But you see anytime I fell off the diet it was a reassurance of the thoughts, you aren’t good enough. I would hear things like, you see you are a failure, you will always be fat, you are not doing it right, don’t go to the party there will be too much food, stay home from going out with your friends so you don’t have to be around food. I can go on and on with the thoughts running through my head, but what I want to share is eating disorders are a trap and I believe they are a trap from the enemy that come to kill us, and steal from us and keep us isolated.

I always wondered why couldn’t I stop when I wanted too? I mean I desperately wanted to be free from all these behaviors. And I confess I tried everything to get free… from following a stricter plan, going to 12 step food recovery meetings and get prayed over. I READ some many books learning how others got free and it gave me insight but never freed me.

Why God? Why? Is what I asked all the time…

But it took me a while to come to the end of myself.

Today I believe eating disorders are rooted in fear and lies. Which are the opposite of God’s character. He does not lie to us about who’s we are and who we are and FEAR is not from him.

We are created perfect in his eyes and we are fearfully and wonderfully made.

So if you are struggling with an E.D. please slow down and ask Jesus to expose the hidden areas in your heart.

Here are some questions to ask yourself. What am I afraid of? What lies am I believing about myself that is keeping bound to a diet because I feel I am not good enough?

You see when you binge or don’t eat enough it’s because you believe you are not good enough or there is something wrong with you, or if you don’t change you may feel you are not lovable. WHICH THIS IS FAR FROM THE TRUTH!

Or maybe you are struggling with overeating trying to stuff some emotions you don’t want to feel.

In order for me to go more in detail about this topic I would have to write a very long blog. But I am hoping with what I shared with you that it was an insight to the battle you may be in. I know for a long time I searched for help and I learned that I had to surrender to Jesus and let him expose the lies and pain in my heart.

I would love to hear from you and I would love to speak into this area of your life.

I was in bondage and torment for many many years but when I surrendered all my ways and trusted Jesus in this area of my life things finally changed. Remember it is a process and a man made plan will never set you free but keep you into more bondage of rules.

When people are struggling with an eating disorder and addiction you are not going to be able to help them until they admit they have a problem and they are willing to go to any measure to get help.

Spending time with Jesus heals us, changes us, helps us and guides us in the next steps we should take in life.

Jeremiah 33:3

“Ask Me and I will tell you remarkable secrets you do not know about things to come.”

Why I Will Pray for the Troubled Kid

Why I Will Pray for the Troubled Kid 259 194 Paula

As I am sitting here reading the updates about the Florida shooting I am getting sick to my stomach. I tossed and turned through out the night thinking about this school shooting. My heart hurts for all the families and I feel completely broken, but I can’t get the image out of my head of the shooter in handcuffs with all the police standing around him. 

I knew in my heart that this kid had a troubled life. I am not saying I am going to try to sit here and justify what he has done, but I am going to express my feelings on what I have learned about the shooter so far and why I will continue to pray for this teenage boy and the families who have lost loved ones.

As humans we are so quick to label others before we can actually learn who a person really is and where they come from. The media has called this kid a “troubled teen” and classmates who knew him have said, “We knew he was the ‘type of kid’ who would do this someday.” As I saw these labels I got even more emotional and I needed to ask myself why.

You see when I started to learn about this kids history I could relate to it in so many ways. One he was adopted as a child. The media has shared he lost his mother a year ago, which that would be his adopted mom, not his biological mom. It’s states he lost his dad a decade ago. Is that his real dad or adopted dad? You see we don’t have all the details of his history. But it pretty much sounds like he was an orphan from the day he was born, and the feelings that come attached to that are, I am unwanted, I am unlovable, and nobody wants me. What do I have to live for?

These are the voices that control most troubled kids, but it usually starts from somewhere. It’s the wounds that become so deep in our hearts and control our thoughts and behaviors. It’s the negative thoughts that plague us and get louder and louder until we take action.

I saw in the media that he was a quiet kid, but once he started talking he enjoyed being heard. That is sometimes all these kids want is to be heard. Does anyone care about me? Yes, he did things like pulling fire alarms, starting fights with other kids and posting things on social media. All this stuff he was doing is attention-seeking behaviors. He is trying get attention he never had and most likely acting out some of the emotions that are trapped inside of him that he doesn’t know how to express.

I can go on and on about this shooting, but I will stop right here and save my energy to continue to pray for all the families involved. But as I saw this child get arrested and the words that were used to describe him, I thought to myself that could have been me. I grew up in alcoholism, drug addiction, and abuse until my dad went to prison. My mom was an addict and she didn’t come home for long periods of time. This left me scared, lonely, confused, feeling unwanted, unlovable. I got into trouble all the time at school. I was kicked out almost every week for fighting or put in a separate room, isolated from my classmates, and this just fed the feelings even stronger, there must be something wrong with me… Then I was sent to a school for at risk kids, just like the Florida shooter was. I had so much anger and confusion bottled up inside of me that I understand where this kid is coming from. I will continue to share my story to help others understand trauma and addiction. And I will continue to pray for ‘this so called troubled teen’ who is broken and powerless over the life he has been given so far.

My heart is broken for the troubled children who are drowning in their pain and trauma.

I’m not saying you have to agree with what I am saying, but I would like you to understand the mind of a troubled child.

With Love,

 

Paula Jauch

 

 

 

DID YOU ACCOMPLISH THE GOALS YOU SET OUT TO ACHIEVE?

DID YOU ACCOMPLISH THE GOALS YOU SET OUT TO ACHIEVE? 4772 4737 Paula

Have you ever felt like you wasted the entire year without achieving any of your goals? I know that is how I felt 2017 ended for me. Before I share with you what I learned over this past year, I would love to hear about some of your goals for this coming year.

What are some of your goals for 2018? Do you feel like you failed a bit in this area in 2017?

I know for me personally I like to set goals every year, but I have not always conquered the goals that I set out to accomplish.

As I sat at the beginning of this year thinking about 2017 and reflecting on all the things I accomplished this year, I kind of felt defeated. I then spent some time praying…

This is how my prayer kind of went, Dear Heavenly Father, please don’t allow me to sit back and waste another year, help me to stay in your will and do great things for you.

Then I heard this soft reply, that came with a vision. (I don’t always get mental images but this particular time I did.) ” Paula, please don’t feel that you wasted anytime, remember I am always working in your life, let me show you. Then I saw a picture of a very long road ahead of me and it was empty. Then I heard God say that 2017 was a year of clean up and preparing away for 2018. He said you’ve been consistently walking down this long road and doing a lot of clean up of things that have been in your way. You have been dealing with all your unhealthy patterns and giving them to me, you have been letting go of the people who are standing in your way, you have been maturing your relationship with me even in times when you feel like you were walking the road alone. You didn’t stop trusting me, you continued to walk the road no matter what. You didn’t allow your feelings to control you. He then said, I want you to know Paula the road is clear now, you have prepared away for 2018!

At this point I just sat back and said, wow.

You know sometimes we can be so hard on ourselves because we feel like we didn’t achieve much or meet that one goal or maybe we feel like God isn’t working in our life. But the more I mature in age and in my walk with God I am learning he is working at all times. I’ve learned that we go through different seasons. Sometimes it’s a season of rest, or a season of growth. Sometimes it’s a season of being promoted or it may be a season of being demoted. There is one thing that I now know for sure is his love and word never changes.

I truly believe God wants to give us the desire of our heart, but he knows when we are ready and when is the perfect time. He knows if we are mature enough to get what we are asking for. He knows if what we are really asking for is best for our family and marriage. We serve such an amazing God, and if we just trust him, he has an amazing plan.

So I share this with you today to encourage, let God prepare the way for 2018. Listen to what he is trying to tell you. Be sure not to compare your life to someone else. This might be your year to do big things, or maybe this is a year of clearing a path for next year. Be sensitive to what he wants to do, because they are both significant to his perfect plan for you life!