Blog

Emotional Maturity After Trauma

5 Steps to Gaining Emotional Maturity After Trauma

5 Steps to Gaining Emotional Maturity After Trauma 1080 1080 Paula

Have you ever met somebody who says, “This is just who I am.”? This is how God made me…

What they’re really saying is:

 “I don’t know how to change.” 

or 

“I’m not ready to change.” 

or 

“I don’t want to change”. 

Experiencing trauma throws can off our emotions. Keeping us in a vicious cycle of feeling stuck. 

We have to learn that it’s okay to feel our emotions and sit through them. But how do we do that? 

Today, I would like to talk to you about five steps that will help you do this. These are five steps that have helped me.

Self-Awareness

I had to recognize the patterns that I kept falling into. I had to start by being honest with myself. This looks like taking a pause and asking yourself these types of questions:

What are you feeling?

Why are you feeling this way?

What do you need right now?

Self-Regulation

Learning to identify the triggers that set you off. Even if you have an emotion that you can’t put a finger on.  Realize that you’re feeling something. Something feels off. 

In that moment learn to self-soothe with healthy behaviors like prayer, journaling, or calling a friend you can talk to.

Emotional Maturity

If you’re not willing to learn, grow and change, you’re gonna stay stuck in a cycle your whole entire life. In order to grow and change, you’ve got to be willing to do something different. Emotional maturity is when we can learn to respond in healthy ways instead of always reacting out of our dysfunction.

If you're not willing to learn, grow and change, you're gonna stay stuck in a cycle your whole entire life. In order to grow and change, you've got to be willing to do something different. Click To Tweet

Label Your Emotions

Anything that triggers us from a smell, or a memory, or even a certain sound is a source of information, trying to get our attention to tell us that we may need something. When this happens, I want you to be curious. Stop and ask yourself these types of questions:

What just happened?

What was I feeling? 

What set me off? 

Where did I feel it in my body?

Then I want you to learn to label the emotion. 

Is it loneliness? 

Is it fear? 

Is it feelings of feeling unworthiness? 

Choose vulnerability. 

I encourage you to find a select few people you are willing to allow to speak into your life and give you feedback. 

In April of 2023, I’m going to be starting Trauma Purpose Coaching with a select few of people. I will offer an hour-long coaching session for people who are feeling stuck, and who want to find their purpose after trauma. If you’re feeling stuck in any of these five areas, I want you to send me an email telling me that you want to get on my list.

Please remember, this is a process. 

Keep showing up. You’re worth the work. 

To hear more on this topic, you can listen to my podcast here.

 

If you or someone you know is on the journey to recover from childhood trauma, I encourage you to check out my resources.

Let Go of Unhealthy Patterns and Learn to Live With Intention

Let Go of Unhealthy Patterns and Learn to Live With Intention 1080 1080 Paula

I used to think that the years I spent in unhealthy patterns were wasted until I changed my mindset. 

Looking back now it was all part of the process. Believe it or not the pain and the patterns have made me who I am. They have helped me to become a stronger person. And a person who relies on God to be my strength.

I want to help you focus on how you can get the most out of this year. How you can start to let go of some of those patterns and make this year count for you. 

As I look back in my journals, year after year, there were unhealthy behaviors, toxic relationships, unhealthy patterns that I could not get out of and I just didn’t know how. 

Sound familiar?

A lot of us have become victims of our circumstances. And what I mean by that is that we became victims of trauma and abuse, but let me tell you something friends, you don’t have to stay there. 

You don’t have to stay there. 

Are you tired of being sick and tired?

The secret that no one may have told you yet is that you have to be the one responsible for setting the stage for your life. No one is going to come and save you. 

How do you do that?  

Let me help.  Here are the main points we talked about in this podcast episode. Make sure to listen to the full episode to expand on each one.

  1. You must believe freedom is possible. 
  2. You have to recognize your triggers and unhealthy patterns.
  3. You need accountability. But it needs to be safe accountability. 
  4. Set your environment up for success. 
  5. Stop saying “I will try” and start saying “I will.”
  6. Learn to put a plan of action in place. If you have no plan of action, you will fail every time.

What is your vision for 2023? 

Having a vision doesn’t mean that you’re going to do this year perfectly. But it does mean you will make some changes and come out stronger. Just remember you may not be where you want to be. But thank God you are ready to make some changes this year! 

I would love for you to reach out and send me an Instagram or Facebook message. Or feel free to hit reply and send me an email. This is your action step. 

I want to know: 

  • What is your vision for 2023? 
  • What steps will you take to get there?

Even if you don’t know what God’s doing in your life, and even if you don’t know what your goals and your visions are, you need to trust that God is going to show you that God is going to make it clear. 

If you want different results, you’re going to have to do different things.

If you want different results, you're going to have to do different things. Click To Tweet

Happy New Year let’s make this a year of intention and purpose. Let’s not just let the days the times and the hours go back and live with regrets.

To hear more on this topic, you can listen to my podcast here.

Episode 49If you or someone you know is on the journey to recover from childhood trauma, I encourage you to check out my resources.  

What is my purpose in life?

What Is My Purpose In Life?

What Is My Purpose In Life? 1080 1080 Paula

Have you ever asked yourself, what is my purpose in life? I know that I have many times. Especially having gone through a lot of trauma… It leaves us feeling confused, like we have no purpose at all. 

Make sure to check out this podcast episode for even more on this topic.

Let me ask you this: What is in front of you right now?

Sometimes we can get so focused on a life purpose and passion, that we can forget the smaller things that are in front of us right now. Like having an amazing spouse and children. We can forget to be thankful that we woke up healthy or that we have a house and food. We skip all of the important things that are part of the process to get to where God wants to take us.

Every day we have the choice to wake up and submit our life and will to God.  

Every day we have the choice to wake up and submit our will and life to God. Click To Tweet

What is it right now that God is asking you to do? It could be something so simple like learning to spend time with Him and in His word. 

What does the Bible say about walking in purpose?

Have you carved out the daily time to spend with God in prayer? Be honest with yourself about this one, because spending time with God and in His word is the way you discover your purpose and this takes daily discipline. If you haven’t started that is okay too, let this be an encouragement to you. 

You will find many Bible verses that ask us to trust God. Do you trust God enough that He know what He is doing with your life? Do you believe He will guide you to what’s next? We have to remember He is an on time God and His ways are higher than ours. 

In James 4:7 it says, therefore, submit to God and resist the devil and he will flee from you.

So whatever your plans are and whatever you’re doing in life, submit to God. Whether it works out how you wanted or not  – continue to submit to God and trust Him, and do not give the devil a foothold in your life by believing your life doesn’t have purpose. 

We have to learn to be consistent in the little things.

I’m sure there are things in your life that you’ve started and then stopped. 

When I started to discover my purpose, God taught me the importance of follow through. There is a Bible verse that say’s if I can trust you with a little, I can trust you with a lot. God will usually work on our character before He reveals the bigger vision for our life.

What are some of the little things that God is asking you to do?

These little things are what add up to the bigger purpose.

To hear more on this topic, you can listen to my podcast here.

If you or someone you know is on the journey to recover from childhood trauma, I encourage you to check out my resources.