Christmas-Family Boundaries and Addiction

Christmas-Family Boundaries and Addiction 480 640 Paula

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for the last few weeks about the Christmas season. I want to talk to you about addiction in the family, and how we can put boundaries in place. I will be sharing with you what is on my heart. So if you are looking for new family traditions or a good Christmas sugar cookie recipe this blog may not be for you. I want to encourage whoever is reading this and let them know they can overcome the pain of the holidays. I am hopeful that what I share will help many, because I know I am not alone when it comes to the pain this season may bring. 

You see during the Christmas or holiday season it brings up A LOT of pain for so many people. This is why the suicide rate goes up and many people find themselves running back to their addiction.

During this time of year we are left with so much pain. We are left to sort through the confusion of our past. So many thoughts at this time of year may be running through our heads. We are not sure if we should go around that family member who continues to hurt us. We are confused whether or not we should go to the Christmas party because the person who sexually abused us as a child might be there. Maybe this is the time of year when your spouse walked out on you. Or maybe you are someone who grew up in abuse and addiction and you are left with nothing but brokenness from your childhood. The list can go on and on and on of why you may be feeling pain.  Please take whatever your current situation maybe and apply it to what I am about to share.

I felt a strong urge to write on these topics of boundaries, self-care and how to handle our pain during the holiday season.  While so many people this time of the year are enjoying Christmas parties, time with family, holiday shopping or decorating a Christmas tree, this may not be the case for your family. The Christmas season can actually be hard for so many people, bringing up a lot of painful memories.

I know this was and still is my situation… As I write this blog I am reminded of how painful my childhood was, and I am also reminded of how ‘ADDICTION’ has taken so much from my life. I feel my parent’s passed away way too young and left a lot of dysfunction behind them. Daily I find myself trying to sort through my life experience so I can continue to live a life of victory. I would like to share with you some things I have learned through my experience.

I used to think that I had to go to every family party, but after many years of doing this I noticed a pattern. I was trying to get FREE from my self-destructive behaviors but every time I left a family function I had the urge to go back to my eating disorder and self-destructive habits. I continued to pray and ask God to show me why. Finally, when I was ready to listen He showed me, you can’t get free from something that you have witnessed since you were a child. Addiction and pain was all I knew, but yet I wanted be free from all of it. Every time I went to a ‘family party’ I was exposed to the conversations of who was still using, or who has died or who was in jail. This kind of talk triggered all my childhood wounds that made me want to run back to my eating disorder and self-harm.

Does this make sense?

Unfortunately,  in order for me to heal and get free, I had to put boundaries in place. BUT guess what happened next? I was accused of not being normal like the rest of the family, not being loving, and then last but not least, they even said, I wasn’t a true Christian. Does any of this sound familiar? Now let me share with you, this type of trauma is not easy to overcome. You have to have a lot of support from Godly people with a lot wisdom and understanding that can speak into your life when you are going through this type of healing.

But if we don’t deal with this ‘YUCKY’ stuff around the Christmas/Holiday season you will find yourself in a vicious cycle of not feeling your feelings, running back to old destructive patterns like addiction, and self-hate. We have to learn to put up healthy boundaries and learn self-care. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves nobody will.

Now ask yourself the question, will I pay a price if I go to this party or event? Do I feel strong enough? When you go around these people are they lifting you up or like my husband likes to say, ” are they dumping poison into your life?”

Remember the only way to get over your pain is to FEEL it. I like to say your pain won’t kill you, but your addiction will. So be sure to put up boundaries and FYI: this includes FAMILY, mother, brother, sister, uncles, and ALL!

Be gentle with yourself and take care of you! Surround yourself with people who love you and will speak truth into the area you are trying to overcome. Do what feels right for YOU.

I’ve decided to surround myself with people who will help me become who I want to be, not what I grew up in.

I want to encourage you today to do whatever it takes to heal and get free. And I promise you, you will start to enjoy the Christmas and Holiday season!


With Love,

Paula Jauch



God Will Send You the Right Help

God Will Send You the Right Help 1242 702 Paula


What people don’t often realize is that sharing our story and our pain with someone who understands is how we heal. When someone can look at you and say, I’m sorry you are going through this, I went through it, too. It offers people hope. People need to know that they can heal and overcome and they need to know they don’t have to do it alone. It’s okay to admit we are broken and that we want help. I fill so many people are living with unnecessary pain, because they won’t admit they are suffering.  It’s okay to not be okay. We try to cover it up with so many things life perfectionism, people pleasing, approval seeking, and some of us even fall victim to addiction.


I’ve spent a lot of years self-destructing because I felt the pain was unbearable. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of not knowing how to feel, and being scared to feel the pain. I once heard that the only way to heal is feel the pain, and to remember even though it may hurt, that pain is not going to kill you. I remember thinking, okay, this cycle is getting old and it is getting me nowhere. I would feel pain or emotions, then I would use my addiction to cope, then this started a pattern of feeling guilty, full of shame, sick, and depressed. I want to do this, and face the pain head on. In order for me to do this I had to let a lot of people and things go. I went through a season of feeling very depressed and heavy and didn’t want to be around a lot of people. In this season I stayed close to God, my mentor and my recovery program.

If we ask and wait patiently, I do believe God puts the right people in our path that we need at the time.

Friends, never give up and trust the process, your BREAKTHROUGH is right around the corner!

Who’s Plan Are You Trusting-God’s or Yours?

Who’s Plan Are You Trusting-God’s or Yours? 800 800 Paula

Who’s Plan Are You Trusting-God’s or Yours?

I can remember around this time four years ago. I felt strongly that God was asking me to leave my job. This is something I didn’t want to do because I loved my job and I loved what I was doing. One night my husband and I sat down and talked about it and he asked me the question, ” what do you feel God is telling you to do? ” My response, that he has something else for me and that I needed to let go of this job because it was interfering with his plan. But the scariest part was, I didn’t know what he had in store for me.

After spending a few weeks of praying, I ended up leaving my job. For the next few years I was kind of miserable, I am not going to lie. I had no clue what God was up to and I was striving to figure it out and try to make things happen in my own strength. I spent a lot of time following people on social media and I even started trying to mimic what they were doing, but something just didn’t feel right.

After coming to the end of myself, which took awhile, I was ready to listen and then I asked God what do you want me to do? As I sat quietly I heard him say, “nothing. Just rest in me, spend time with your family, take care of your health and in your free time write your book.” WHAT? WAIT. REALLY? IS THAT ALL YOU GOT? But..but..but…What will people think? Ah, bingo. What will people think? Oh, what a trap I was in. Caring what other people think if I was not known for  doing anything but trusting God and what he asked me to do. Why am I sharing this with you, because I want you to be encouraged. Let me share of few short stories with you. In the midst of my sitting with him, he has taught me a lot about myself, who I am and that my identity comes from him alone. He also has taught me that I don’t have to make his things happen. If I just trust him, he will work it out.

I want to share another quick story with you. I met this lady a few years back who was an amazing writer and she worked for a pretty big company. I so badly wanted to be friends with her, but I let it go and didn’t force anything. Well, a few years later we met through mutual friends and we started working on a few writing projects together and she was interviewing me about my story. Now two years prior I wanted so bad to tell her all about me… But since I let it go and rested in God, he made it happen. This is just one cool God story I am sharing with you, there are many more.

So what is God asking you to lay down?

What do you feel he is calling you to do?

I promise you if you trust God’s plan you won’t regret it!

I wanted to share a few reminders I see everyday when I walk into my closet to get dressed… ‘follow your heart’ and ‘live the life you imagined.’ Friends…God has such an amazing plan for your life! And the world is waiting for you to walk it out! Don’t allow past regrets, doubt or fear of failing hold you back!