self love

For Those Who Have Been Abused

For Those Who Have Been Abused 640 640 Paula

I feel others need to understand the battles that some people may face if they have experienced some type of abuse, whether it’s physical, emotional or sexual.

We might think that no one will understand the things we have went through, but to often there are many people suffering silently from their own deep dark secrets. 

Do you mind if I share a little insight inside the heart of a person who has experienced abuse? Because I am a firm believer if you’ve been abused in anyway you will have a ‘mental battle’ that you have to fight and overcome once your heart has been healed.

I will keep this as short as I can and to the point. Years ago when I was at my therapy session for my past abuse my therapist diagnosed me with dysmorphia. Immediately I wanted to rebuke the word she spoke over me, for one I had no idea what it meant and second it just sounded so serious…

Here is what dysmorphia means…

Dysmorphia is a mental disorder characterized by the obsessive idea that some aspect of ‘one’s own appearance is severely flawed’and warrants exceptional measures to hide or fix it.

So this would be the medical term for someone like myself who’s identity was broken from past abuse. But what I didn’t understand for a very long time was why did I see myself the way that I did. I hated myself so much that I would sit and curse my body. I just thought deep down inside that I needed to fix myself and I tried many things to do it.

First of all let me just say… God doesn’t create something that is flawed. We are born perfect in the eyes of Jesus!

But because of the wounds in my heart I could not see myself how he sees me.

What I needed more that anything was for Jesus to heal the secret areas of my heart that were deeply wounded.

I spent way to long in bondage to an eating disorder that made me very sick because I thought if I could get skinnier than I would be more lovable and it would make me feel better.

This was a lie that was planted in my heart.

I had a lot of wound’s from growing up in a home with a father who was an alcoholic, and for the longest the abuse and neglect I experienced from him were still controlling my life.

You see it took years of healing from all the past abuse I experienced in my childhood and adult life to heal my real identity.

There still are days I can struggle in this area if I forget to submit myself to God first thing in the morning. In James 4:7 it states, submit yourself to Christ, and the devil will have to flee from you.

If you have experienced past abuse in your life, let God heal your heart and renew your mind daily in his word.

We have to be ready to use the sword that God has given us so we can walk into true freedom.

The sword is the word of God. So before any unhealthy thought can even take root in your heart, be sure to be on guard and take every negative thought captive and bring it under the authority of Christ.

The battle we face to overcome past abuse is real… The enemy looks for anyway he can to get into our life and destroy our identity. And he loves to do it through past abuse.

I walk in victory today due to all my healing, BUT when the mind gets tired or I get triggered from something or someone those old tapes like to come to surface.

I have to be ready for the battle and so do you.

And here are some tools you can use…

I have learned to take every NEGATIVE thought captive and bring it under the authority of Christ. Also, I ask God regularly to expose any lies in my heart that I may be believing. If I don’t practice this consistently then the enemy has set me up to start self-destructing through old behaviors.

I share my heart with you today because I feel we need to know everyone is in a battle. And I do believe we can have freedom here on earth, but you do have to fight for it!

SO BE READY!

 

 

 

Christmas-Family Boundaries and Addiction

Christmas-Family Boundaries and Addiction 480 640 Paula

I’ve been wanting to write this blog for the last few weeks about the Christmas season. I want to talk to you about addiction in the family, and how we can put boundaries in place. I will be sharing with you what is on my heart. So if you are looking for new family traditions or a good Christmas sugar cookie recipe this blog may not be for you. I want to encourage whoever is reading this and let them know they can overcome the pain of the holidays. I am hopeful that what I share will help many, because I know I am not alone when it comes to the pain this season may bring. 

You see during the Christmas or holiday season it brings up A LOT of pain for so many people. This is why the suicide rate goes up and many people find themselves running back to their addiction.

During this time of year we are left with so much pain. We are left to sort through the confusion of our past. So many thoughts at this time of year may be running through our heads. We are not sure if we should go around that family member who continues to hurt us. We are confused whether or not we should go to the Christmas party because the person who sexually abused us as a child might be there. Maybe this is the time of year when your spouse walked out on you. Or maybe you are someone who grew up in abuse and addiction and you are left with nothing but brokenness from your childhood. The list can go on and on and on of why you may be feeling pain.  Please take whatever your current situation maybe and apply it to what I am about to share.

I felt a strong urge to write on these topics of boundaries, self-care and how to handle our pain during the holiday season.  While so many people this time of the year are enjoying Christmas parties, time with family, holiday shopping or decorating a Christmas tree, this may not be the case for your family. The Christmas season can actually be hard for so many people, bringing up a lot of painful memories.

I know this was and still is my situation… As I write this blog I am reminded of how painful my childhood was, and I am also reminded of how ‘ADDICTION’ has taken so much from my life. I feel my parent’s passed away way too young and left a lot of dysfunction behind them. Daily I find myself trying to sort through my life experience so I can continue to live a life of victory. I would like to share with you some things I have learned through my experience.

I used to think that I had to go to every family party, but after many years of doing this I noticed a pattern. I was trying to get FREE from my self-destructive behaviors but every time I left a family function I had the urge to go back to my eating disorder and self-destructive habits. I continued to pray and ask God to show me why. Finally, when I was ready to listen He showed me, you can’t get free from something that you have witnessed since you were a child. Addiction and pain was all I knew, but yet I wanted be free from all of it. Every time I went to a ‘family party’ I was exposed to the conversations of who was still using, or who has died or who was in jail. This kind of talk triggered all my childhood wounds that made me want to run back to my eating disorder and self-harm.

Does this make sense?

Unfortunately,  in order for me to heal and get free, I had to put boundaries in place. BUT guess what happened next? I was accused of not being normal like the rest of the family, not being loving, and then last but not least, they even said, I wasn’t a true Christian. Does any of this sound familiar? Now let me share with you, this type of trauma is not easy to overcome. You have to have a lot of support from Godly people with a lot wisdom and understanding that can speak into your life when you are going through this type of healing.

But if we don’t deal with this ‘YUCKY’ stuff around the Christmas/Holiday season you will find yourself in a vicious cycle of not feeling your feelings, running back to old destructive patterns like addiction, and self-hate. We have to learn to put up healthy boundaries and learn self-care. Because if we don’t take care of ourselves nobody will.

Now ask yourself the question, will I pay a price if I go to this party or event? Do I feel strong enough? When you go around these people are they lifting you up or like my husband likes to say, ” are they dumping poison into your life?”

Remember the only way to get over your pain is to FEEL it. I like to say your pain won’t kill you, but your addiction will. So be sure to put up boundaries and FYI: this includes FAMILY, mother, brother, sister, uncles, and ALL!

Be gentle with yourself and take care of you! Surround yourself with people who love you and will speak truth into the area you are trying to overcome. Do what feels right for YOU.

I’ve decided to surround myself with people who will help me become who I want to be, not what I grew up in.

I want to encourage you today to do whatever it takes to heal and get free. And I promise you, you will start to enjoy the Christmas and Holiday season!

 

With Love,

Paula Jauch

 

 

Let go of Fear and People-Pleasing!

Let go of Fear and People-Pleasing! 150 150 Paula

Let go of Fear and People-Pleasing!

It’s a natural feeling to want to be accepted by other people or to feel part of a group but this behavior can often leave you full of fear and constantly trying to people please. This is a behavior that can be taught as young as a child and be carried over into our adult life. We want others to like us, and if they start to be mean or distant towards us we often don’t understand why. Or maybe you are like me and were raised by a parent who intimidated you into submission, you weren’t allowed to express how you truly felt and no matter what you did you were always wrong. Most people who struggle with people-pleasing usually have a deeper-rooted problem. There is an underlying fear base issue going on and until we get to the bottom of that we will never find our true self. I would like to share with you some tips that helped me to get free from people-pleasing, it takes a lot of daily practice. I love the words of Joyce Meyers, “do it afraid.” There are times where I have had to tell people “no” or tell people “that doesn’t work for me” and it was scary at first. What you have to understand is your true friends will stick around and be understanding. The friends or family members who get mad at you, there is nothing you can do about it and that is not your responsibility. We have to get to a place in our life where we are not allowing other people to control our life. Plus, you will never be able to please everybody.

 

TIPS FOR LETTING GO OF FEAR AND PEOPLE-PLEASING

 

  • Ask God to show you where the fear is coming from. 
  • If this is a real problem for you, consider getting professional help to pinpoint the cause.
  • Start using your voice more often by expressing how you feel. This can be scary at first.
  • Learn to say No, more often. No is a complete sentence.
  • Take time to discover who you are as a person. What interest you? What are your values? How do you like to dress?
  • If you say yes to something and get resentful later, its okay to back out. Everyone over commits.

 

I hope you find this helpful!

 

 

 

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