[fusion_text]Hey Friends!
Do you struggle with body- image issues or can’t seem to stick to a diet?
Enjoy this blog I wrote on my birthday last fall!
I want to THANK everyone for the birthday wishes!! I am very EXCITED about this next year/chapter in my life!! In the past my birthdays meant nothing to me. It would be just another year I was trying to survive. A lot of you that know me or maybe have known me for years probably feel I am a STRONG woman or she was a very strong “single mom” and “hard worker.” I’m sure some of you were probably thinking how did she do it all? Taking care of four kids and a grandbaby and working two jobs and keeping a house up. To tell you the truth, when I would lay my head down at night I would ask GOD to please help me, I didn’t want to live like this anymore.
For most of my life I have felt very insecure and I walked around carrying a lot of self-hate. When I would walk in a room full of people the first thought I had was, what do they think of me. The voices that played in my head since I was a little girl were, you are FAT, STUPID and UGLY…
I tried many coping mechanism to try to make them go away. When I was 18years old I went on my first diet. I was on a mission to make that voice go away that would call me FAT and I would show the people who I allowed to confirm it. This started a vicious cycle in my life of dieting, binging and purging through being active and using laxatives. (This is called a form of bulimia) This pattern caused me to get very sick last year around this time. Another way of coping was always working two jobs to give my children whatever they wanted. This did nothing good, but cause them to have a sense of entitlement and act like BRATS.
Last year around this time, I started therapy and I told her I needed help. I didn’t want to binge and purge anymore. What little did I know GOD was about to turn my life upside down. In March of last year I was driving to work as a “Weight loss coach” and I parked my car. I heard GOD say, “You are done here”… “What, I loved my job?” I could relate to most everybody who walked through the door, they had the same struggle as I did. It just looked a little different. I cared SO much about them, because I could understand their pain, but I knew I needed to step down and first help myself. This was not easy at all. I was next asked by GOD to stop all dieting and most of the things I did for being active. I had to surrender all my forms of CONTROL, which were not working anyway. It was very hard some days…. I screamed, cried and even laid in bed. It took work on my part, I had to look at my junk, forgive myself and other people that hurt me. Especially, my earthly Father who did the best that he could. Somewhere as a little girl my IDENITY was stolen. I walked in that for too long. BUT not anymore…I am FREE!
GOD allowed two amazing people in my life to help me walk through this journey. One was my AMAZING husband and my very good friend, Sue Deboer. I want to tell you it was the BEST decision I ever made! This chick that thought she would always going to struggle with this issue is FREE and the voices are gone!!! I’m NO longer afraid of food, I don’t care that I put 15lbs on through this healing process. This last year what I sacrificed; relationships, my jobs, my reputation and some of the clothes in my closet not fitting, gained me freedom of a lifetime. It doesn’t mean my life will be free of troubles, but this LADY is ready to fulfill her DESTINY to help others get FREE!
Blessings,
Paula[/fusion_text]
Thanks Paula for sharing!