Negative voices torment us. Our past causes us to feel shame and guilt. We hesitate to tell our story because we really don’t no how to make sense of it all or we are afraid of what people might think.
Does this sound familiar?
This was my story for a long time. Bound by guilt and shame that I didn’t know how to get rid of. I found myself in a vicious cycle of self-destructive behaviors that left me feeling isolated.
I had a story to tell, but I couldn’t put all the pieces together because of my childhood trauma.
I grew up in abuse and neglect, surrounded by addiction from the time I was born. With a father who was incarcerated and a mother absent because of addiction, I wasn’t even aware that my needs weren’t being met. It was just the way things were.
I ended up pregnant at fifteen years old and initiated into a Hispanic gang because I longed to be accepted into a family. School was a struggle; I was placed in special education classes and various behavioral programs until I was kicked out of school and sent to an alternative education program.
As an adult woman these things still plagued me as I tried to get a job and found myself reading at a third grade level. I was addicted to cutting myself to relieve the pain and confusion that was in my body and I was very sick from my eating disorder.
At one point I felt so alone and isolated I tried to take my life. A friend told me about Jesus and this gave me hope that someone might really love me. She told me that God had a purpose and plan for my life. Even then, it took years for me to receive the deep healing I needed.
That day she left me with a scripture that I couldn’t get out of my head and to this day it has changed my heart, Jeremiah 29:11:
“For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, but to give you a hope and future.”
As I continued to grow in God’s word, learning and understanding His truth about me, it enabled me to start walking in His way. That is taking many baby steps and scraping my knees. With the help of the Holy Spirit’s leading and my 12 step recovery program, I started to heal from my trauma, and became delivered from a lot of pain, addiction and many of my coping mechanisms. God has taken me on journey of healing which led to my FREEDOM and DELIVERANCE and now I am offering hope to those who are still suffering.