God

Holidays Can Be Painful

Holidays Can Be Painful 800 800 Paula

After reading my title you might be wondering what I mean when I say holidays can be painful, but I feel it’s important for others to know how I feel around the holidays, because I know I am not alone. If I am the only one that feels this way, then maybe I am writing this just for me. 🙂

Yesterday was the 4thof July and I had a horrible day, but not on purpose. Right away when I woke up I was lacking energy and I literally felt like I was dying inside. That may seem a little extreme, but that is exactly how I felt. I’m learning that there is a pain in my heart that is still so fragile when it comes to the holiday seasons.

During the holidays when I look on social media or hear about everybody getting together with their family it still triggers my childhood trauma. I would be completing lying if I said I was okay being around other big families.

All day yesterday I kept telling myself you need to just snap out of it, you need to have fun with your family, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do that. Instead I wanted the day to be over with but it seemed like it was dragging on. I even crawled back into bed a few times to try to speed of the process.

I did get invited to a few family parties, but instead I chose to stay home. Here is what I have learned about myself during this season, my body is still trying to heal from all the trauma from not growing up in a healthy family, and I am still witnessing how the family dysfunction has affected my entire family today even my own children.

If you are looking at this and thinking, just get over it. Quit feeling sorry for yourself. I’m here to tell you my belief is it doesn’t work that way. In order to heal you have to be real with yourself and give your body, mind and soul time to heal.

Both of my parents are now deceased and we just don’t have family parties  like we use too.(not that they were that healthy to begin with)  There is still so much brokenness and division amongst my family that it’s quite hard to get everyone together.

Here is why I share this with you:

For one I want you to know you are not alone and second I want you to have patients with yourself and understanding that this is part of the healing process and it won’t last forever. Find someone who will support how you are feeling. This is my mentor who is like a mom to me and I can talk to her about anything. 

As time goes on you will start to feel better, as long as you keep feeling your feelings and giving it to God.

During the holiday seasons I have to do what is right for me. And right now that is staying in the comfort of my own home. I know that it’s not going to be like this forever, because I am a very social person. But for now I don’t need to sit in an atmosphere where everyone is enjoying their families and my heart is still bleeding.

So if you can relate to this in anyway I would love to hear from you and be sure to share this blog post with those who may need it.

 

I would like to leave you with some tools to help you take care of yourself.

  • Spend some time with God meditating on his word or listening to worship music
  • Do relaxing exercises like yoga or go for a nature walk
  • Spend quality time by yourself doing something you enjoy
  • Find something that brings purpose back into your life (something that you love to do)
  • Donate your time or money to help the less fortunate 
  • Make it a point to SMILE (even if you have to fake it!)
  • Spend time reflecting on the GOOD things in your life each and every day( try to come up with at least 10 things)

XOXO, Paula

God places the lonely in families;
    he sets the prisoners free and gives them joy.
But he makes the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.

Psalm 68:6 New Living Translation (NLT)

 I love what I do and I am a work in progress.  I have come along way since being illiterate since the age 21. 🙂

God Will Send You the Right Help

God Will Send You the Right Help 1242 702 Paula

 

What people don’t often realize is that sharing our story and our pain with someone who understands is how we heal. When someone can look at you and say, I’m sorry you are going through this, I went through it, too. It offers people hope. People need to know that they can heal and overcome and they need to know they don’t have to do it alone. It’s okay to admit we are broken and that we want help. I fill so many people are living with unnecessary pain, because they won’t admit they are suffering.  It’s okay to not be okay. We try to cover it up with so many things life perfectionism, people pleasing, approval seeking, and some of us even fall victim to addiction.

 

I’ve spent a lot of years self-destructing because I felt the pain was unbearable. I was stuck in a vicious cycle of not knowing how to feel, and being scared to feel the pain. I once heard that the only way to heal is feel the pain, and to remember even though it may hurt, that pain is not going to kill you. I remember thinking, okay, this cycle is getting old and it is getting me nowhere. I would feel pain or emotions, then I would use my addiction to cope, then this started a pattern of feeling guilty, full of shame, sick, and depressed. I want to do this, and face the pain head on. In order for me to do this I had to let a lot of people and things go. I went through a season of feeling very depressed and heavy and didn’t want to be around a lot of people. In this season I stayed close to God, my mentor and my recovery program.

If we ask and wait patiently, I do believe God puts the right people in our path that we need at the time.

Friends, never give up and trust the process, your BREAKTHROUGH is right around the corner!

Let go of Fear and People-Pleasing!

Let go of Fear and People-Pleasing! 150 150 Paula

Let go of Fear and People-Pleasing!

It’s a natural feeling to want to be accepted by other people or to feel part of a group but this behavior can often leave you full of fear and constantly trying to people please. This is a behavior that can be taught as young as a child and be carried over into our adult life. We want others to like us, and if they start to be mean or distant towards us we often don’t understand why. Or maybe you are like me and were raised by a parent who intimidated you into submission, you weren’t allowed to express how you truly felt and no matter what you did you were always wrong. Most people who struggle with people-pleasing usually have a deeper-rooted problem. There is an underlying fear base issue going on and until we get to the bottom of that we will never find our true self. I would like to share with you some tips that helped me to get free from people-pleasing, it takes a lot of daily practice. I love the words of Joyce Meyers, “do it afraid.” There are times where I have had to tell people “no” or tell people “that doesn’t work for me” and it was scary at first. What you have to understand is your true friends will stick around and be understanding. The friends or family members who get mad at you, there is nothing you can do about it and that is not your responsibility. We have to get to a place in our life where we are not allowing other people to control our life. Plus, you will never be able to please everybody.

 

TIPS FOR LETTING GO OF FEAR AND PEOPLE-PLEASING

 

  • Ask God to show you where the fear is coming from. 
  • If this is a real problem for you, consider getting professional help to pinpoint the cause.
  • Start using your voice more often by expressing how you feel. This can be scary at first.
  • Learn to say No, more often. No is a complete sentence.
  • Take time to discover who you are as a person. What interest you? What are your values? How do you like to dress?
  • If you say yes to something and get resentful later, its okay to back out. Everyone over commits.

 

I hope you find this helpful!